Reproducing Bull « Result #1 on Mar 14, 2009, 2:13am »
A couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of reproduction bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments: "See! That was more
than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband: "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do
YOU say to that?!"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison... The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells: "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back: "Sure, once a day! But
ask the announcer if they were all with the same cow!!!"
Letters On The Skin « Result #2 on Mar 14, 2009, 2:13am »
Three women at the doctors office. The first one goes in to see the doctor. When the doctor goes to examine her he notices a big Y on her chest. The doctor asks, " Why do you have a big Y on your chest?"
She replys, " Well, my boyfriend went to Yale and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."
The doctor nods and continues on with the next patient. When he examines her he notices a big H on her chest.
Agian, the doctor asks, " How did you get a big H on your chest?" The woman replys " My husband went to Harvard and when we make love he likes to wear his college sweater."
The doctors just nods his head and continues on with the last patient. As he examines her he notices once again that this woman also has a letter on her chest. A large M.
He says, " Dont tell me, your boyfriend went to Michigan?"
" NO" replys the patient " But my girlfriend went to Wisconsin"
A Man Who Said No « Result #3 on Mar 14, 2009, 2:13am »
A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.
¡¡¡¡Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"
¡¡¡¡At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"
An Urgent Standby Passenger « Result #4 on Mar 14, 2009, 2:13am »
While in Korea, Gov. Mike Smith of Utah was relaxing in the VIP lounge the Seoul airport, awaiting his flight to Japan. At the same moment , his press secretary, Jenny Varela, was being told at the ticket counter that she had no ticket.
¡¡¡¡After insisting she had to make the flight because she was with a U. S. governor, an American embassy aide intervened. Varela got a standby ticket and boarded just before take-off.
¡¡¡¡Regaining her composure, Varela went to the front of the plane to tell Smith of her adventure. He was not there. She later found out that the governor was told that he had been bumped by an urgent standby passenger.It was Varela.
Puppies For Sale « Result #5 on Feb 26, 2009, 5:40am »
A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read ¡°Puppies For Sale.¡± Signs like that have a way of attracting small children, and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner¡¯s sign. ¡°How much are you going to sell the puppies for?¡± he asked.
The store owner replied, wow power leveling,¡°Anywhere from $30 to $50.¡±
The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. ¡°I have $2.37,¡± he said. ¡°Can I please look at them?¡±
The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerable behind. Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging limping puppy and said, wow power leveling,¡°What¡¯s wrong with that little dog?¡±
The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn¡¯t have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame. The little boy became excited. ¡°That¡¯s the little puppy that I want to buy.¡±
The store owner said, ¡°No, you don¡¯t want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I¡¯ll just give him to you.¡±
The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner¡¯s eyes, pointing his finger and said, wow power leveling,¡°I don¡¯t want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I¡¯ll pay full price. In fact I¡¯ll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for.
The store owner countered, wow gold,¡°You really don¡¯t want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to jump and play with you like the other puppies.¡±
To this, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted,wow gold, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, ¡°Well,wow gold, I don¡¯t run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!¡±
From the time each of my children started school, wow power leveling,I packed their lunches. And in each lunch I packed, I included a note. Often written on a napkin, the note might be a thank you for a special moment, a reminder of something we were happily anticipating, or a bit of encouragement for an upcoming test or sporting event. In early grade school they loved their notes-they commented on them after school, and when I went back to teaching, wow power leveling,they even put notes in my lunches. But as kids grow older they become self?conscious, and by the time he reached high school, my older son, Marc, informed me he no longer needed my daily missives. Informing him that they had been written as much for me as for him, and that he no longer needed to read them but I still needed to write them, I continued the tradition until the day he graduated.
Six years after high school graduation, Marc called and asked if he could move home for a couple of months. He had spent those years well, graduating Phi Beta Kappa magna cum laude from college, completing two congressional internships in Washington, wow power leveling,D.C., winning the Jesse Marvin Unruh Fellowship to the California State Legislature, and finally, becoming a legislative assistant in Sacramento. Other than short vacation visits, however, he had lived away from home. With his younger sister leaving for college, I was especially thrilled to have Marc coming home.
A couple weeks after Marc arrived home to rest, regroup and write for a while, he was back at work-he had been recruited to do campaign work. Since I was still making lunch every day for his younger brother, wow gold,I packed one for Marc, too. Imagine my surprise when I got a call from my 24?year?old son, complaining about his lunch.
"Did I do something wrong? Aren't I still your kid? Don't you love me any more, wow gold,Mom?" were just a few of the queries he threw at me as I laughingly asked him what was wrong.
"My note, Mom," he answered. "Where's my note?"
This year my youngest son will be a senior in high school. He, too, has now announced that he is too old for notes. But like his older brother and sister before him,wow gold,he will receive those notes till the day he graduates-and in whatever lunches I pack for him afterwards.
Joined: Jan 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 1,342 Location: Eriadu, on the Outer Rim
Re: War 6 « Result #7 on May 29, 2008, 8:46am »
Admiral Reno's force headed back to Eriadu the seat of the Empire. They still smarted from the loss of Phobos. He wasn't sure where his people had gone... He couldn't remember much of events over the preivious six months... But now they would restate their existance... Someone would pay for their anhilation.
Joined: Jan 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 526 Location: Beyond the gate of Kerrash
Re: War 6 « Result #8 on May 28, 2008, 7:36am »
Iribaar was nevertheless worried. He was anticipating hearing from Mactans again, whom the mollusc, in their haste to leave had simply taken with them. He had integrated himself well. Maybe too well, it was entirly possible that Iribaar's adjutant and ambassador to the mollusc had manifested himself fully in this reality. But the mollusc, curse them, would try something and Dar-Klajid would respond with another ill-cosidered scheme. Then there was the swarm to consider, or should it be swarms? There were certainly several entities out there. The squid could never be discounted either, they had a tendency to pull something out of the bag and summon some primal entity or turn up with some immensely powerful artefact. Wearily, Iribaar contacted the fleets and started issueing orders. The Keeper fleet was on the move again.
Joined: Jan 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 526 Location: Beyond the gate of Kerrash
Re: War 6 « Result #9 on May 28, 2008, 7:31am »
Valley Forge also noted the return of the mollusc with some distaste, not for the return of the cratures themselves, but for what they heralded. It meant another war, in which the idiot inhabitants of this reality did not realise what was at stake. things had been going so well lately, as well. The former RTU worlds had been integrated into the Valley Forge system, just outside the temporal entropy fields that cloaked the central planet from view, and the former mollusc inhabiting the worlds were building themselves a nice little society, free from any blind retarded idol-worship. Military strength was at an all-time high. Not only had the ships lost in the last war been regenerated, more had made the passage between realities to safeguard the nexus point.
Joined: Jan 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 526 Location: Beyond the gate of Kerrash
War 6 « Result #10 on May 28, 2008, 7:26am »
I think it's time to kick this 'ere war thing back into action with WAR Episode 6Return of the Mollusc (again)
Dar-Klajid smiled a horrible smile as he saw the cowards attempt to hit and run. True, he had briefly thought he had achieved his goal and get rid of the mollusc, deep down he knew they'd come back. That was the one thing he admired them for, they just refused to quit. They'd been the universe's doormat for so long but they wouldn't die, remarkable. Besides this reality hadn't been much fun lately without being able to infuriate whatever goon currently headed the squishy fools, and he had a few new things in store for the returnees...
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